Would you like to know my theory on Santa?
Probably not. Or, once you’ve read it, you will wish you hadn’t. I definitely wouldn’t recommend reading it while a younger sibling is behind you. Seriously, I’ve already like robbed my little brothers innocence. Hide your little kids, people.
Well. I now consider you to be warned. From here on in, I’m just going to call it how I see it.
That basically is how I feel about St Nick. I think he could quite possibly be a pedophile; I mean, “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake” does that not sound a LITTLE bit stalkerish? And “he knows if you’ve been bad” – KINKY. Is he going to punish you?;)
And reindeer? I’m sure there’s some over-active animal rights woman ready to rip him a new one for that. And also. Elves? Probably just a guy that likes to take advantage of poor, defenceless midgets. It’s like forced labour. And I bet they don’t even get paid. And those COSTUMES. Even paid models would have a problem with wearing pointy hats. Ever wondered why the have bells on their slippers?
It’s so that they can’t escape without being heard.
Yeah. So now I’ve officially ruined Christmas for you, have a nice day. And make sure your kids are good, Santa likes the naughty ones;)