Okay, so as many of you (cue somebody looking at me awkwardly and going….’you’ve never mentioned this’.) may know, I’m doing a GCSE in Media Studies and recently we’ve been looking at movies. Making our own film posters, designing our own movies, that kind of thing . . . It’s not as interesting, or fun, as it sounds.
Okay, it totally is.
(And the weird thing is that I am half talking about the work. Mostly about the fact we get to mess around constantly, but hey I can pretend to be mature on my own blog, right? Riiiight.)
Here comes the magic cloud (that is so definitely not weed, because drugs are bad, right kids? Yes, yes they are.
Wait, am I saying yes to drugs? Shit, it’s too early to deal with this. It’s in the evening. Yeah, but I’m up, so it’s too early.)
*Cloud poofs over and your worries are gone. Huzzah.*
Anyways, we were looking at film posters when I realized . . . these movie taglines are boring as shit. Like come on. Now, here comes storytime. Comes *giggles* *slaps self* *falls off chair* *dies*
Of course, my BFF Sophie takes my class with me and her – seriously bloody amazing, I intend to upload it for all you guys to see – advert needed a tagline. So she calls me over and we sit there, looking blankly at the screen. (Her film is about a BLONDE – okay, I feel like that is important! – girl that opens a modern day Pandora’s box and releases . . . stuff . . . somewhere. I’m not that clear on the details, but that’s the gist, right.)
And then it kind of clicks.
The story is basically about a stupid girl that doesn’t listen to people and fucks all kind of shit up.
And the girl is blonde.
And, right there, right then . . . Inspiration is born. So I turn to Sophie, hope shining bright in my eyes, open my mouth and say:
“Releasing death, chaos and mass destruction on the world? It’s always the blondes.”
And then, right then when everything is perfectly in sync, when the world has stopped spinning, the stars have aligned, the sun has come out . . .
“Mia, shut the fuck up. Idiot.”
And, alas, all my dreams . . . shot down. Like Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven. (Yeah, I know who the original emo is. I’m like cultured and shit.) BUT I DIDN’T LET IT GET ME DOWN. I sat there, helped Sophie think of another tagline and . . . plotted.
(Okay, so blame crappy camera quality, but it looks great)
BUT MY STORY IS IRRELEVANT.
Well, it’s not, but . . . Well, I . . . I just wanted to move on without saying anyways. Fuck it. Anyways, this is what prodded me . . . to create my own movie taglines! But then I realized that I was being selfish; think about all those crappy movie taglines the audience have to suffer through. Those over-used cliches that are so painfully over-used you don’t remember why they were used in the first place.
So I’m going to fix them. Now, let’s bring the magic
mushrooms cloud back out to make you happy but not your parents.
Now, let’s start with the big names. And, obviously, we’re going to have to go to . . . Twilight.
“When you can live forever, what do you live for?”
My version: Gay pride is about to get even more fab – we’ve got the glitter covered.
Next in line . . . HARRY POTTER.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Something evil has returned to Hogwarts!
My version: Voldemort is about to whip out his snake.
As for our next victim- I mean patient! . . . The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
TPOBAW: We are infinite
Me: High school is crazy, especially when you’re crazy
Les Miserables: Fight. Dream. Hope. Love
Me: Read the title.
Anyways, that is all for now. Au revoir.